faith

Lesson 8. Be Gracious In Victory. Be Gracious In Defeat.

Last week I attended an awards ceremony for work. It’s an annual do where, over the past few years we’ve always done really well, surprisingly well, actually, against the odds, beating some of the bigger players in our market to some of the biggest awards.

I’ve always been really proud to pick up awards for my work, I mean, who isn’t? It’s great gratification for all the hard graft, creative ideas and teamwork and shows that both our industry and our customers think we’re doing a great job. It feels ace to walk up on that stage infant of your peers and to be crowned ‘the best’ at what you do.

Well, last week, I really let myself (and my team) down. Having been nominated for 3 awards, we picked up the first two and everything was looking great. Everyone was buzzing, the team were ecstatic and we were convinced that the third and final award we were up for, the most prestigious, was surely in the bag. But it wasn’t. We were pipped at the post by an arch competitor – and I was f**king furious.

Rather thank congratulate our competition on their win, I leered at them over on the next table, made sarcastic comments and accused them of foul play. How could they beat us? We know we’re the best at what we do, we’ve won this award the past two years and our standards haven’t slipped. The thing is, even if there was foul play, even if … whatever… there was no excuse for my behaviour. It was unprofessional and let myself and my team down.

To be honest, I think I was just so disappointed that our great work hadn’t been acknowledged and rewarded. I felt in some way that meant I had failed my team. It felt like failure and nobody likes failure. My team were brilliantly consoling, “we’ve still won two awards”, “it’s still really great” etc But I compounded that with my reaction and, having reflected over the past few days, I can now see that basically, I was just a sore loser. And I regret it.

What I should have done is congratulate our competitor and tell them we’d put up more of a fight next year. I didn’t, but I will. Because you can’t win all the time. Sometimes you won’t and yes, it’s crap, no-one likes to lose. But that’s part of life and if you behave like I did, you set a bad example and make yourself out to be a bit of a c**t to be honest. Whilst it hurts to lose, the winners deserve your congratulations and you know, why not make their win sweeter by saying “well done” than by trying to limit it – they’ve also worked hard, smart and together.

So next time you win, or next time you lose, be gracious. Don’t overdo the celebration if you win, but equally, don’t be too hard on your opponent (or yourself) if you lose. It’s all a part of life and over the course of your life these things will even themselves out. Where you can effect an imbalance is in how you behave towards others and if you can be a nice person 100% of the time, whether you win or lose, then you’ll always be a winner.

Lesson 6. Whatever It Is You Believe In, Never Lose Your Faith.

I grew up in an observant and relatively religious Jewish home, attending synagogue, religion school and other religious events on a weekly basis. Judaism was drummed into me from an early age and it was a huge part of my life as I grew up, not really questioning why that was. As I got older and more inquisitive, I began to realise that I didn’t believe in god and turned against the religion and people I had been born into – not actively anti, but it just wasn’t something that mattered and I was more interested in finding new experiences, seeing friends and having fun.

Since I had children however things have slowly started to revert, and although I still absolutely class myself as an Atheist (not even Agnostic) the traditions and customs of my people have become increasingly important to me. My faith has returned.

I understand of course that the very term ‘faith’ refers to ‘faith in a god’, but to me it’s more than that. It’s faith in life, faith in the goodness of people and community, faith that my family will be there to support me no matter what.

My grandmother passed away recently and I returned to the town I grew up in for the funeral. Of course, the many Jewish customs and traditions around death and mourning were employed such as holding the funeral as soon as possible after death – in this case, within 22 hours! The principal mourners hold a period called ‘shiva’ or ‘seven’ where for 7 days they don’t leave the home and instead are visited by members of the community who bring food and comfort during this time.

All of these customs are designed to help the mourners overcome their initial grief, so the fast turnaround time is the equivalent to ripping off a plaster, getting the funeral out of the way so that the process of overcoming grief can really commence. The period of ‘shiva’ ensures that mourners are not alone and that they are looked after during this difficult period and it’s really incredible how the whole community rallies round, I can’t tell you how many plates of food were delivered to my Parents’ home in the last few days!

And so back to faith. Although I don’t believe in god, nor have faith that prayer or similar will change my path, at this difficult time I took great comfort in embracing the traditions that my people have carried out for generations. I found that it provided me with a comfort, a framework where I knew what the rules were at a time when I felt more vulnerable. Little things like preparing a plate of food can mean so much to the people receiving it, particularly in times of grief. A support on the foundations built in my childhood gave me strength, courage and faith to believe that life will continue, It will be good and that I could overcome my grief.

This post isn’t in any way supposed to be an advocacy for Judaism or it’s customs. Whatever your beliefs, you will have things you do, things you’ve done since childhood. In an increasingly modern world, we sometimes lose sight of these things as our lives get so busy and wound up in the day-to-day. So take time out, remind yourself of your core beliefs what make you who you are and never lose that faith, in whatever it is you believe in. Because faith is so important, especially at the times when, although we don’t always realise, we need it the most.