Our friends are such an important part of our life. Sometimes they make us feel so good. Sometimes they can make us feel so bad. Sometimes we question our friendships. But something I’ve learned over the last year is that friendship really isn’t complicated. It’s not a matter of measuring ‘gives’ and ‘takes’. It’s just about being there… when it really matters.

A year ago, my best friend of nearly 25 years fell out with me. I still don’t know why. Something happened over the summer, I assume it was through something I said over a text message but, as he still hasn’t told me, I can’t be sure. I was upset, we’d been best mates for a long time, he’d been best man at my wedding, was god-father to my two children, and I felt put out that he wouldn’t even tell me what I had done to upset him and give me the chance to make it right. I was upset, then confused, then a bit angry to be honest and for a number of months, we barely spoke.

Eventually we did meet up and he told me some bad news (completely unrelated to why he had fallen out with me) – his dad was really ill. And it struck me then, that in friendships there are always going to be ups and downs, highs and lows. We’re human beings for god’s sake, we’re not robots. Things will happen that may throw things out of kilter a bit but true friendship is all about being there when it really matters. And so I told him that. I told him that whatever had come before was now irrelevant and that I was here. Whatever he needed, I would be there. To listen. To cry. To help physically. Whatever he needed, I. AM. HERE.

And that is the essence of friendship. Sometimes we can be overly critical of ourselves, being a bad friend for forgetting a birthday or for not being bothered to go to an event they organised or something similarly meaningless. At the end of the day it’s all irrelevant. As long as you are there when they need you, no matter what, no matter when, you are a good friend.

Another friend, when I recently told him of some bad news within my family, basically brushed it aside and I haven’t heard from him since. This is the opposite of what friendship should be and is one I would now actively like to try and phase out. (Im planning to write more about this at some point!) I want to spend my days with the people that matter, not those who don’t.

Sometimes, when bad things happen, we curse our luck. But it is a great way to see the people that genuinely care about us stand up and those who don’t disappear into the woodwork.

There can be few stronger words than ‘I’m here for you’ when they are truly meant.

Think about your friendships. What are the times you’ve been there for your friends? Are there times when you should have been there but let your friend down? Who has been there for you?